So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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