I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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