a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
