His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
