Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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