That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
