I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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