once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
