i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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