i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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