Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
