he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
