Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
