He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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