I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
