1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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