the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
