she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize