im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize