There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
