I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
