Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
