Can i not drive my cunt home
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
is it fun? or sober?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
