like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
