I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
