I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
