I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
