You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
