Your tits are I can't wait for
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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