Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
