Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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