I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
