We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
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He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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