you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The adults are the big ones right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
