Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
