if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
