Im at strip club and am horny
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
