Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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