I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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