Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
