i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
