hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize