White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
