I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
