I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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