i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
