rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
