is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
