I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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