i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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