so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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