you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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