You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
