I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
