you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
