your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
