I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
