I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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