I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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