Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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