New low: just hacked my moms facebook
stop calling my apartment porn island.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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