omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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